Your Parents Want To Help You Buy a House? Ensure This Dream Come True Doesn't Turn Into a Nightmare

Wow-- your parents want to help bankroll your first house!

Maybe you won't have to save for a down payment or face mortgage payments for the next 30 years. Sounds fantastic, right?

Yes and no. We all know that no matter how close you are with your family, sometimes relationships can get complicated - espically if you add money to the mix.

What if your parents don't like your version of a dream home? Accepting a generous gift will naturally come with some strings attacked, but there is still a way to set boundaries.

Here's how to gratefully accept financial aid while maintaing a good relationship before, during, and after you buy a home.

How parents help their kids

Many parents happily hand over cash to assist their children with buying their first home. And their kids are usually glad to take it.

According to a 2020 survey by Loan Depot, 65% of parents  were willing to offer financial assistance to help their adult child buy a new home. And 77% of millennials and Gen Z expect financial assistance from their parents, whether it's helping with the down payment or closing costs or co-signing a mortgage.

But some parents might feel entitled to a heftier dose of influence the larger the financial gift.

This includes decisions around your home's location, the type of home you want, and the parameters for their visits.

And because of these potential issues, it's important to proceed with caution from the outset.

Start off on the right foot

When power dynamics shift -- like when money is lent or received -- a once-settled relationship can become awkward and messy.

So, how can families maintain harmonious relationships? Clear communication.

Both parties can avoid most issues if they agree to talk openly and honestly throughout the process beforehand. If you fail to do that because you're averse to conflict or discomfort, you will eventually walk through a proverbial minefield.

What if your parents love a house, but you don't

Feeling the need to please your parents, especially after they providd you the money you need for your soon-to-be home can be a challenge. However, it is important to communicate directly in order to avoid having your parents dictate the style of home you truly want.

Disarm your parents with 'compliment cookies'

Let's say your parents are fond of frequent pop-ins (at inconvenient times) after you and your partner become new homeowners. And instead of looking forward to their visits, you feel apprehensionabout setting boundaries. This is an excellent opportunity to try the "compliment cookie" approach.

You begin by saying something positive and warm about your parents' intentions, followed by your resistance or challenge, and end with another positive reaffirmation.

For example:

"You know we love a good visit with you. But our workload has been crazy, and we haven't had much couple time for each other. Realistically, we only have Saturdays to spend toether before prepping for the work week. So could you plan your visit when we can have a more realxed visit with quality one-on-one time?"

A compliment cookie works by disarming others while remaining optimistic and kind.

Keep nosy parents out of your finances

Once your parents hand over cash to help you buy a home, they're invested in your financial wellbeing. But what if they take the role of micromanaging money adviser who questions and judges your spending habits?

If you're unable to pay your monthly bills, your folks have a valid concern. On the other hand, if your parents are constantly questioning the money you're spending on everyday items or an occasional weekend getaway, you might want to stop sharing certain details with them.

Pick your battles

Being true to yourself and setting boundaries help keep relationships healthy.

There is a reason we have fences in our yards.

But your parents helping you buy a hoise is a life-changing event, so don't forget to show them how grateful you are.

Maybe you can take your dad's advice and use a few heirloom pieces of furniture in your decor. Or let your mom do some DIY projects around the house. Once you've set boundaries, letting your folks into your home life should make your new home life homier.

Works Cited:

Lisa Marie Conklin. “Your Parents Want to Help You Buy a House? Ensure This Dream Come True Doesn’t Turn into a Nightmare.” Real Estate News & Insights |®, Real Estate News & Insights |®, 23 Aug. 2022,

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